Yet Another Reason to Learn French
Proceed at Your Own Risk has quoted some fascinating albeit questionable statistics that provide an additional incentive for me to study French.
The jokes about our big cars, big guns and big buildingsDieu1 may not be so “funny” after all. In fact, the American penis is a full 10% smaller than the global average.
And, finally explaining our never ending love-hate relationship with the land of Lafayette and Freedom Fries, those rotten dirty miserable wretched French have the biggest dicks in the world, measuring a full 24% longer than American penises.
Second longest schlongs on Earth belong to the Italians. Third place goes to Mexico, followed closely by Spain.
As for your stereotypes about Asians? Smallest wee wees in the world? South Koreans.
But before you go and kill yourself, there is some good, albeit odd, news. Venezuelans and, shockingly, Brazilians have smaller penises than us. Of course, my personal history of jaw cramps suggests that something with these findings is amiss and that a separate study may be in order for homosexual penises.
This is collectivism at its worst with the logical fallacies of composition and division employed to suggest that men by virtue of the country where they live have a penis of a certain size.
The same article goes on to give a lesson in French and world history.
This post on large French penises opened a small can of American worms, some worms came via comments but most via emails.
I’ve never concealed my Francophilia, but the hostilities that my fellow countrymen harbor towards the French are, to say the least, a bit naive and world-power centric.
Indeed the French did suffer a humiliating defeat during World War II and many French citizens did collaborate with the Germans, did participate in the persecution and murder of Jews and did declare themselves to be fascists. But many French citizens died to liberate their country from the Germans and several of my closest friends and relatives survived World War II in France because they were hidden for as long as three years by French Catholics in rural farming communities, in secret rooms on French estates and in Paris itself. Others were led, in the dead of night, to Switzerland where they survived the war. My ex-father-in-law, who served in the French army, was captured by the Germans and transported to a POW camp where he survived for two years thanks to the protection of his fellow French Catholic soldiers.
Is modern French history as it is taught in schools somewhat skewed in favor of the victors? Before we answer that question let us consider our own history.
We did not discover this country. We invaded, conquered and murdered indigenous people, raped and slaughtered their women and children, drove them from their ancestral homes and reduced great nations to lives of poverty, disease and alcoholism. That’s not what I was taught in school.
Franklin Delano Roosevelt had to manipulate this country into fighting the Nazis. In fact, if the Japanese had not stupidly attacked Pearl Harbor providing Roosevelt with a dramatic rallying point, we likely would have further delayed our entry into the war and England would have fallen to the Germans. In fact, much of corporate and aristocratic America was pro-Nazi which helped to delay our entry into the war against Hitler. Joseph Kennedy, the father of JFK, Rockefellers and other prominent industrialists advocated alliances with Hitler. Roosevelt himself knew of the slaughter of Jews and could have done much to save hundreds of thousands of European Jews but decided it was not in the best interests of his war goals. I was not taught that in school either. I was also not taught in school that New Yorkers kept slaves and that large parts of this city were built by slave labor. I was taught that only Southerners kept slaves and that Northerners freed slaves. I was not taught that slave markets thrived in New York City itself.
But I was taught that without French financial support, we would likely have lost the Revolution and would today be part of a British Commonwealth. How quickly we seem to forget that crucial aspects of American history.
Our hostility towards the French is based in the fact that despite our close and enduring alliance with France, the French insist on steering their own course as a sovereign state concerned primarily with French national interests rather than become a sycophantic minion of the world’s greatest military power. I wish the same could be said for Britain and Tony Blair.
Culturally, France has always been a dominant force in this country. Voltaire. Rousseau, Givenchy, Lafayette, Chanel, Sartre, Renoir, Bizet, Ravel, Cocteau, Godard, Matisse, Gaultier, St. Laurent, Truffaut, Piaf, Cezanne, Duchamp, Rodin, Dior, Pasteur, Curie, Descartes, Rothschild, Bocuse, Berlioz, Calvin, Braille, Lumiere, Starck, Ritz, Bernhardt…to name but a few.
And, as it turns out, they have the biggest penises in the world. What’s to hate?
It’s more than a little ironic that an article celebrating some collective, nationalist penis size would give an account of history that insinuates that Nazis were bad people. Wasn’t it collectivist, nationalist thinking that provided the philosophical foundation for the horrors they inflicted upon their fellow citizens of this earth?
If that’s not enough to digest in one post another post on the same site links to this humorous video which is definitely not work or child safe.
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