Deadly Terrorist Earthquake Linked to God
In one of the most deadly acts of terror in recent years, a 6.5-magnitude earthquake struck the ancient city of Bam, in the Islamic Republic of Iran. No known earthly terrorist organizations have claimed responsibility leaving officials to speculate that this diabolical act, which may have killed as many as 5,000-6,000 people and wounded another 30,000, is the handiwork of the Father of all terrorists, God, or as many know him in that part of the world, Allah.
Terrorism expert, Dr. Eyeno Everything, when interviewed on NBC’s Today program said, “It’s too big for al-Qaida. This was an earthquake under a population center clearly intended to kill thousands and destroy an entire city. Truck bombs and airplanes are not in the same league. All the early information that we have points to God’s handiwork. It’s definitely His M.O.”
Images shot from a moving car, accompanied by somber music, showed some houses had been reduced to nothing more than piles of brick, while men near one building embraced each other, shaking and sobbing. Other footage showed dead and injured being brought into hospitals with crowds of people outside.
Reports said the earthquake destroyed Bam’s medieval fortress, a massive, 2,000-year-old structure that sits on a cliff near the city and attracts thousands of tourists each year. The fortress includes scores of ancient mud huts.
This deadly act of terrorism comes less than a week after the U.S. Government raised the Terror Alert Level to “High.”
The White House, which is currently occupied by many who claim to have a personal relationship with God, said, “This time our intelligence was correct, but we never expected an act as devastating as this. This will far outstrip al-Qaida’s attack on the World Trade Center both in loss of life and number of buildings destroyed.”
Recent reports of “chatter” lead to the increased Terror Alert Level and the grounding of several airline flights between Paris and Los Angeles out of concern that Osama bin Laden was planning to use them to attack Las Vegas, a major U.S. tourist attraction, in an effort to hurt the U.S. ecomony. When asked how the location could have been so far off, an administration official who did not want to be named, said, “Look, terrorist chatter sometimes contains what you might call static. Sometimes it’s in code. Looks like we came close on the date, and the ancient fortress was a tourist attraction like Las Vegas. We were just a little off on the city and well, ah, I guess, the country, too.”
“The chatter did refer to Bam but we took that to mean the sound from a man-made explosion, not the name of a city halfway around the world,” the official continued. “The chatter said something like, ‘Go Bam, Bam, Bam.’ We just missed their meaning. You might call it a translation problem.”
When asked if the recent chatter was from God or from human terrorists, the official replied, “Chatter is always from human terrorists. God is not physical and so He doesn’t chatter. But the chatter is an indirect link to God because all terrorists have some sort of relationship with Him. God speaks to all of us in mysterious ways and people in turn chatter, sometimes not fully understanding what they’re saying themselves. It’s sort of like speaking in tongues.”
Ever mindful of the upcoming 2004 elections and the possibility that the White House might be viewed as having too cozy a relationship with the Big Daddy of terrorism, the official added with a smirk, “We like to keep the lines of communication open. What would the Democrats have done for you? They don’t have our connections or our intelligence. They just pretend this terrorist stuff isn’t real then before you know it “Bam!”
He added, “And one more thing. We’re going to find those WMD in Iraq. We know they’re there. We have it on good authority.”
UPDATE 12/27/2003: The MSNBC link above was updated to say that the death toll is now estimated at 20,000 and could double.
“There is not a standing building in the city. Bam has turned into a wasteland. Even if a few buildings are standing, you cannot trust to live in them,??? Interior Minister Abdolvahed Mousavi Lari told reporters Saturday.
Some people, however, were spared God’s wrath:
Authorities had new trouble to deal with Saturday. About 800 convicts escaped from the Bam prison, guard Vahid Masoumpour told The Associated Press. The prison lies outside the city and its walls fractured or collapsed without killing any inmates.
This banner ad appeared at the top of the news link which described the widespread death and destruction of this latest act of terror.
It is not uncommon for terrorists to taunt their victims. No remorse there.
UPDATE 12/28/2003: The Pope asks Jesus to end terrorism and war:
In his comments, John Paul recalled that Christmas Day marks the biblical birth in Bethlehem of Jesus Christ, to whom he directed his appeal to save the world from “the great evils??? afflicting mankind at the start of the third millennium.
“Save us from the wars and armed conflicts which lay waste whole areas of the world, from the scourge of terrorism and from the many forms of violence which assail the weak and the vulnerable,??? he said.
It seems that even the Pope knows who was behind the biggest act of terrorism in recent years. There are already 20,000 confirmed dead, wiped off the planet in a matter of minutes without any warning. Officials now say the death toll could be more than 40,000.
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